What My Temper Has Taught Me

[Bluegreen water is flowing, flowing, flowing]

The last few days have taught me a lot as I come to realize that things in the organization that runs the sanctuary where I live are not as tidy as they sometimes seem. In the seven years since I was last active in this place, we have endured a period of absolute chaos at the hands of a couple rogue members who successfully hijacked the consensus process for a while. They drove longtime members away and created a situation where big pieces of our history and procedures were lost.

Those who were left have done their best to put the pieces back together. In some places there are gaps that are not readily apparent. Many things look the same as they ever were, but they aren't. Last week some of these gaps and illusions lined up together in important places and I felt like the ground was falling from beneath my feet. I responded with panic. I said a bunch of harsh things and angered the people who've worked so hard to get this place running again. I've apologized to those I could and tried to make amends. I think that nothing but hard work on my part is going to make those relationships right again.

What I've learned here, hopefully, is that assumptions can be sneaky. Here are some of the major ones that I didn't even know I was making:
- The minutes of a meeting may not reflect the whole of what happened there. Inaccuracies are easier to catch than omissions. If something "wasn't even mentioned", it could be that the secretary stepped away or forgot to click 'Save'. This isn't OK, but in an organization trying to recover from utter chaos, it's not far out of line, either.
- In particular, mayhem is diminished in the process of typing minutes. It's tough to convey fatigue and duress when transcribing minutes, so they disappear. A reading of those minutes makes motives and process appear very different than they really were.
- When recovering from a period of chaos, people want to think that everything is OK. They're doing the best job they can and the situation is better than it was. This reality caught me off guard. I assumed that everything really was OK, and that the problems I noticed must be intentional. I didn't realize how many deep problems were being accidentally swept under the carpet by new people who were focused on moving forward and making the good parts better.

In short, I made a woeful error in thinking I had the slightest idea where things stand at any level of this organization. I have had a suspicion that we need to redefine most of our processes from the ground up and document them afresh, separating them from the stream of meeting minutes. Now I'm sure of it. I'll be working with the various committees to do just that.

I'll also be working closely with the organization to determine if and how we need to release an official call for help. It's my opinion that we badly need it, but I'm going to wait for the input of others before I attempt to draft such a thing.

The personal plea of my last post still stands, however. If you are a member of this organization, especially a longstanding member, please consider calling into meetings and lending your voice. It has always been your right, though few have exercised it.

We have a Great Circle coming up and no plans for a Portland contingent that I know of. Won't you organize a satellite circle and call in to help? http://nomenus.org will contain up-to-date information about the circle as it comes together.

We need help with some other things, too. If you've got skills in recording minutes (typing), newsletter production, web development, or nonprofit organization, we could especially use your help. Just call in to a meeting or two and you'll rapidly find your place.